Individual Therapy

Here’s what it’s all about…

It’s about changing your inner habits and perceptions that trigger negative thoughts and uncomfortable emotions.

Tara* finally landed a job at a brokerage firm. She worked with her “dream team” and would do anything to feel secure.

But every time she got on the phone with a client, she would break out in a sweat, her shoulders tightened up, and it seemed like she could not say anything. She told me that the phone calls brought on unbearable anxiety, and she was afraid of losing her job.

A closer look revealed that she thought her entire future was dependent on that call’s success or failure – even before each call. It was an automatic thought that she could not dispel. Of course, it triggered anxiety.

The therapy focused on giving her the tool she needed to reject that thought and any thought like it.

Reducing guilt…

Ashwin*, a cardiologist, was looking to improve his relationship with his son before he went off to college. The problem, according to Ashwin, was that he is an incompetent, unsuccessful father and has always been that way. He felt guilty and embarrassed.

Every time he approached his son and asked something, his son would answer with one word and walk away. So he would give up and wallow in self-incrimination. His wife would give him suggestions, but that convinced him that he was incompetent and a failure. He knew that he should not feel this depressed.

Therapy focused on reducing the guilt and embarrassment and giving him the tool he needed to knock thoughts of “I am incompetent” and “I am a failure” way out of the ballpark.

Healing from the past…

Sabrina* was a nurse practitioner. She had a thriving practice. She was married to Travis and had three boys.

When she was calm, she could find nothing wrong in her life. But the calm was disturbed way too often. She suspected that it might have to do with the childhood abuse she endured or something that happened when she was a teenager.

She was able to cope all of her life by becoming more successful and dedicating herself to school or career. Married for over ten years, she thought she had it under control, but now it seemed to worsen.

Unable to immerse herself in work anymore, Sabrina was becoming enraged at things that used to seem trivial. She had a deep-seated belief that her self-worth depended on her professional success, and if she wasn’t perfect professionally, she was essentially worthless.

The therapy focused on identifying that self-defeating belief and giving her the tools she needed to recognize and cherish her intrinsic goodness and worth.

Where does all this come from?

In almost all cases, people learn to deal with difficult situations in their childhood. They then tend to hold on to those coping mechanisms once they are adults. Invariably, they no longer work helpfully.

Juan’s* parents were quite self-centered. Juan told me they were narcissistic parents. To gain their love and attention, he did everything possible.

Growing up, he constantly gave in and bent over backward to get that positive attention and displays of parental love. He got very good at getting that attention from his mom and dad.

But he learned that if he is not loved, then he has nothing. As an adult, disapproval from his significant other feels like that same knife in the heart that he would get from his narcissistic parents.

In individual therapy, we’ll identify the thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that were once useful but are no longer effective. We’ll readjust your thinking and perception that work better in your current life.

That’s what I did for Gary*…

On the outside, Gary seemed to have a perfect life…

Gary was a pillar in his community, a successful businessman known by all for his generosity. His loving wife, Lauren, was proud of him and very grateful for the social position he had given to his family. Everybody in his community KNEW that Gary had to be one of the happiest people around. His success was evidence of that.

But Gary was far from happy. He was constantly worried that his business might turn for the worse. Growing up, his father told Gary that if he was not the absolute best in his field, he was essentially a failure. Gary felt like an imposter despite all his success: One wrong move and the world would know what a failure he really is.

When Gary came to me, we talked about his overwhelming anxiety. And by looking at specific instances where that anxiety reared its ugly head, we uncovered his self-defeating belief that he had to be 100% successful to avoid being a failure. As we continued to work together, we pinpointed and addressed other sources of distorted thinking that provoked his anxiety.

Gary learned to tolerate failure and measure success in ways other than “the bottom line.” Gary was able to realize, on a deep “gut” level, that there does not exist a person that is 100% successful, and every one of the 7 billion people on earth has had failures, then he began to let go of his self-defeating belief. After connecting that realization with times when Gary enjoyed the process and was not the best at the task, he was cured of his anxiety and depression.

Gary now finds pleasure in losing a chess game to his nine-year-old son and sees opportunities for growth when things don’t go as expected. And now that he’s not plagued by anxiety, Gary’s skills and character really shine!

You do not need to struggle.

You can have a joyful life. We have the tools to overcome anxiety and depression. I can share them with you and teach you how to use them.

Don’t wait. It has been long enough.

Call me today, so we can make a plan and get you where you deserve to be: (973) 944-0274.

*The names and stories above are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.