Support through Infertility Treatment

Infertility treatment isn’t just a woman’s issue.

Derek*, Daniel*, and Dwight* shared much more than the first letter of their names. They all wanted to be fathers and support their wives throughout infertility treatment– an extremely difficult struggle.

All three were having a hard time with it… but in different ways.

Derek wasn’t sure that he was ready, but he was certain he would be happy when they were successful.

Daniel had to convince his wife that it was time to try treatment… and that she didn’t need to be too worried about it.

And Dwight and his wife knew they wanted to start a family, but they didn’t realize how much of a hassle it would be.

Everyone’s experiences are different, but most of them aren’t easy.

After all, it’s not easy to be at a doctor’s office three times a week at dawn.

Plus, there’s the ongoing anxiety: “Is it going to work this time, or will it be another failure?”

And THEN, you have to watch your wife go through the discomfort and the pain… the mood swings, and the exhaustion.

And on top of all that, there’s pressure coming at you from various professionals and family members.

Derek seemed to be losing his friends.

Since college, everybody he had known (and some even before that) were already raising kids. They talked about their babies and their little children’s achievements whenever they got together. He was at the point where he couldn’t bear to hear another word about “little Joseph’s” first steps.

Why can’t they just talk about sports and current events like they always have? How can they be so insensitive?

Daniel’s wife was having a hard time.

And he felt guilty and ashamed for putting her through this. She insisted that she wanted to do it, but he couldn’t shake the thought that he was the cause of this hassle and suffering. And with all the stress and uncertainty of the treatments, they were getting into arguments and hurting each other’s feelings.

If this is something we BOTH want, why is there so much tension in our relationship right now?

Dwight’s in-laws wanted grandchildren.

And they wanted updates on EVERYTHING along the way. He was very uncomfortable with that (and so was his wife), but they also wanted to keep her parents happy. Dwight had no idea how to simultaneously “stay out of all that” while setting boundaries he felt comfortable with.

I don’t mind keeping them in the loop, but do they really have to know about every shot she gets or every time she misses work?

You never had guidance about how to cope with infertility… until now.

Like most people, you probably had no idea it would be this difficult. And I’m telling you: The challenges are even greater than you imagined.

The physical suffering your partner is going through might not be avoidable, but the emotional suffering can be alleviated. In fact, you might be the most important piece to the puzzle of coping calmly with the most stressful situations. That was the cast for Derek, Daniel, and Dwight.

They all had unique experiences and perspectives, and we explored them in detail. While their experiences were different from yours, you certainly can identify with much of what they went through: doubts about becoming a father, guilt about not helping enough, worried about how you will handle this process, inadequacy because you cannot do everything you think you should. Maybe even some irritation, resentment, or anger.

Derek needed to work on some underlying insecurities.

When Derek and his wife tried to talk to their friends or family, the topic of babies always seemed to come up. That made him nervous, and he began to think that he was much better before they tried. His wife seemed to understand, but she still wanted a child as much as ever. He did not want to hurt her and bottled up his thoughts and feelings. But that only made things worse. And his parents were no help – they kept talking about grandchildren, and his mother always had “suggestions.” Slowly, he became convinced that he wasn’t really the “father” type.

Daniel and his wife were not able to conceive, unfortunately.

So, we had to work on a serious mourning issue. They lost their dreams, their life goals. There wasn’t even a burial. It was as if his heart had died. When they were hopeful, they were struggling, but at least hopeful. Giving up was terrible, but swallowing the “pill” was worse. It was time to cry and rethink what was important in their lives.

Dwight wanted some support until the baby was born.

His in-laws kept violating the boundaries he and his wife put down. Sure they wanted grandchildren. Dwight understood that. But did they have to know the progress weekly? It seemed like they wanted to know the moment of conception! And they talked about how they were going to buy the baby furniture. Dwight and his wife knew that her parents could be a bit intrusive, and they thought they had it under control until the baby thing became an issue. He began to think that their pressure was contributing to the difficulties. His wife and the doctors disagreed, but he was convinced.

Dwight (and his wife) learned her parents’ pressure is a problem that the parents have. We transformed it from a problem of the parents breaking the rules to an issue of how the younger couple fortifies their psychological tools to become immune to external pressure.

For all these men…

They knew they needed to improve their communication if they would be the best partner they could be on their journey to parenthood.

That’s why we practiced together five “secrets” of effective communication that David Burns, MD, articulated. In over 30 years of clinical work, I have learned and experienced how these seemingly simple rules can transform any relationship. I know because I use them myself and have seen innumerable clients have better relationships

These men developed a closer, stronger relationship with their women. And you can, too.

You’re absolutely in the right place.

Because I know you want to avoid all the stress-related conflict with infertility treatment.

And you can’t do it on your own… and you can’t bring it to your friends. And your family probably won’t understand either.

But I can help you. This can be an opportunity to bring you and your wife closer than ever before.

Call me today. You really can’t wait. I will help you be the man you want to be in a task that only you can do! (973) 944-0274

*The names and stories above are composite narratives and do not reflect actual clients.